The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
