Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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