Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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