If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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