I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
