i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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