I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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