It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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