Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
