Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
