K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
