Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
