We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
