This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize