Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
