I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize