Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
