Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
