Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
