New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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