Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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