hotel room ftw
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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