You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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