when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize