I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
