I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
