You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
