he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
did i walk over a car last night?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
