Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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