i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
