so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
