I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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