(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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