She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
