Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
