First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He did a backflip because drugs
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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