so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
