people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
