Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
