and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
