I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
