Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
