New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Even my vagina gasped.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
