I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
