How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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