If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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