Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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