Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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