Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
nutella sex= disaster
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
