she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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