i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
