i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
