Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
