we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
