Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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