how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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