i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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