I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
