Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
