ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
