I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
