beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize