It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
