i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
