walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
