my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
