wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
