we have pet lesbian snakes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
