Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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