not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
