i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
