I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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