why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
is it fun? or sober?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
