WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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